A typical morning with two Jack Russell terrors

My morning starts off well with glorious sun pouring into my bedroom and I'm just about to have a read, nice cuppa tea. Then the crows have a convention on the hydro wire outside my window and I decide to let Spike out so he can tell them what for. It's only 6am and I want another hour of peace and read time.

 Big mistake. Next time the crows act up like that, I'll be suspicious. Next thing I know, Daisy runs out, right through my legs like a bat outa hell. I just saw the maniacal glean in her eyes as she disappeared. Now I can hear the dogs busting up what sounds like floorboards. But how can that be, they're outside. I run down the front steps and Spike - being bigger than Daisy - is head-bashing the door of the crawl space under the stairs. Daisy is already inside and waking up the neighbourhood. By this time I've clued in - something is in there and I have to get it out.

            Now Spike has gone around to the back of the crawl space and weaseled his way in. Two Jack Russels barking with gusto, anticipating a kill.

            I'm already shaking as I stand back as far as possible and pry the latch of the door open at the same time.  I'm screaming at Spike and Daisy to get outa there (blah blah blah Daisy, blah blah blah, Spike) and they totally ignore me.

            There it is, hanging from the rafters that's all of four feet off the ground, tight against the inside beam of the door. I have to get passed this behemoth raccoon to grab my little darlings. It's hissing and spitting venom and rabies. Daisy is jumping up and biting its backside. All I can think about is how I'm gonna separate raccoon and dogs once the fisticuffs start. I take a dive for Spike, narrowly avoiding the swinging Freddie claws of the raccoon as I  get him outside and manage to get his leash on but have to go back in with Spike in tow because I've only got one leash and I can't leave Daisy for even five seconds so I tie Spike to the Lilac bush in the front garden.

            So back in we go for more bedlam.Where's all my neighbours? What if I scream for help - will anyone come to the rescue? Honestly, it must sound like murder . I'm so close  I feel the raccoon's spit on my face. I brush past and share the air of his furry breath. Thank God it isn't a skunk cause we've already had that encounter and that's another story.  Finally I grab Daisy as she rebounds back to the ground from racoon tail, tie her on the other end of the leash, take a few deep breaths and drag them into the house.

            I'm vibrating in sync with their panting. Phew. Make sure all gates are closed before I let them out the back. I take the floor mop out to raccoon. He tries to stare me down but I shake my mop a few times and hiss back."Get the hell outa there", I yell.  He pays more attention to me than my dogs and begrudgingly lopes off to Linda's house next door.

            Wonder how many pounds that knocked off? Because I'm too stressed out to have breakfast now.  And I'm gonna pass on jogging this morning. I deserve it. Instead I have to battle the armies of spider mites attacking my herbs and delphiniums on the back porch. But first I must check some on-line shopping sites for a stun gun and Mace. If you know of anywhere I can purchase these items, please let me know.